How to Date Like a Spoiled Girlie: 3 Tips for Becoming the Dream Girl
Bringing back this iconic post that was originally for paid subscribers only <3
People will not always understand your dating standards.
I’ve gotten, “Give him a chance!”
“You’re not going to prompt him?!”
“Make one exception.”
As if I were not dating to attract my life partner.
Only you can know what makes you feel secure.
I am so certain of what I need and want in a romantic partner that anything that does not resemble that can exit stage left.
If I were to never find someone who would support me how I need, then I would be comfortable with never getting into a relationship.
I tell girls who start dating for what their soul needs to not speak about their dating lives with their friends, especially if your friends are not spoiled girlies.
Yes, your friends love you, and they are not dating coaches.
Unless they’re in the type of healthy relationship that you would want to emulate, then they have no value to offer you in that area.
I am high maintenance.
Men can tell by how I talk, how I dress, how my nails are always kept, and how my hair is maintained; even my microexpressions scream entitled.
Thus, anyone who does not show up in a way that honors me must be broke or dumb; two things that don’t seem to be good characteristics of a life partner.
I love knowing that someone will do everything in their power to make me feel cared for.
I love receiving gifts.
I love asking for support when I need it.
I love being able to show up as the softest version of myself.
I also enjoy helping people expand their businesses, gift-giving, hosting, and doing everything to make my loved ones feel cared for.
The first guy who took me shopping on a first date was an Asian man.
He took me shopping at Aritzia because I felt chilly in the mall that we had stopped in.
The next guy was German.
On our first date, he bought me the largest bottle of Tom Ford’s Tobacco Vanille that the store could offer to make up for having canceled a date with me.
The guy after that, half Arab, offered to bring Daisy by Marc Jacobs to our dinner.
I didn’t even kiss these men, though there were moments when I had to fight myself to remain classy.
I simply said my desires and they fulfilled them.
How did I get them to buy me these things?
I didn’t get them to do it.
They had what it takes to do it.
They wanted to do it.
My job was to 1) state my desire and 2) surround myself with the right men.
I’m saying these things to let you know that effort on the first date can be yours too.
A guy doesn’t have to buy designer, but at the very least he can be intentional and invest in a dinner.
I am not special.
If I can be treated well on first dates, so can you.
Here’s where you’re probably going wrong:
1. You struggle with receiving.
Everything requires an exchange.
This is one of the principle laws of physics: “energy can neither be created nor destroyed - only converted from one form of energy to another.”
Even your best friend has certain standards that she expects from you.
So, you, and only you, can decide what the bare minimum investment that must be made is.
Whenever someone complains about how transactional dating has become (usually a pick-me or a broke man), I feel called to remind them that things have always been transactional.
Those who complain most about how transactional things are tend to be the people who are most stingy with their giving.
Don’t fall for the hokey doke.
Don’t drop the pose.
And, don’t be shamed for prioritizing yourself as opposed to a man who is acting like access to your body and energy requires and equal opportunity program.
2. You’re dating men who can’t afford you.
If you ONLY date men who make enough to afford themselves AND YOU, then you’re not a gold digger; you’re a smart dater.
Need I say more?
There are sweet, wealthy men of ALL types—there’s wealthy men who like emo girls, black girls, thick girls, brown girls (please don’t feel insecure if you’re not a tall, skinny, white woman—which tends to be the beauty standard in many places thanks to Eurocentrism and colonialism—these things cannot get in the way of your dream life).
The best way to attract these types of men is to become their ideal type.
Be hot, curious, and classy.
The hot, cute, and classy vibe is more for YOUR confidence and self-esteem than it is for the man.
Your self-esteem needs to get to a point where you feel sad for people who don’t find you BEAUTIFUL because they just happened to be born or socialized into poor taste.
And don’t get me wrong, being hot is a full-time job.
At least at the beginning, it’s not easy.
But, it’s not impossible, and the privilege that you get from being pretty, especially when you can find other pretty besties, is top-tier.
If you don’t think you’re the cutest pookie bear in the seven seas, then that is your next step.
I used affirmations, experimented with my looks, and ultimately started eating the boys up.
3. You haven’t decided that you’re the type of girl that men invest in from day one.
Do you think that the type of girl that men are giving designer gifts to is trying to convince a man to like her?
No, babes.
She’s not worried about some random man who probably can’t even afford her, who probably isn’t as generous as she deserves, who probably can’t top the treatment that she already gets from the people in her community.
She’s evaluating the intentionality of every man who tries to approach her and whether it’s appropriate for her to conserve energy.
She can’t waste her time with losers because she’s too busy being hot and happy.
So if a guy with poor taste can’t see that you’re God’s gift to the earth, then bye.
You don’t have to prove that you’re a great choice because you need to undoubtedly know that you are a great choice.
All it takes is a single decision.
All in all, there is an abundance of generous men who will treat you like a princess from day one.
They’re not going to call you a gold digger, they’re not going to feel threatened by your aspirations, and they’re not going to be intimidated by you because you match each other’s fly.
You are THAT girl.
Start acting like it.
P.S. Following the huge response to my viral video, I only have 1 coaching slot left.
I have a plethora of tools to help you shift into being the dream girl—and you’ll have me there for you as your trusted comrade ☺️
Secure your spot now by responding to this email or filling out the coaching application here.