On a personal level, I can’t necessarily say I care about fashion. What I care about is beauty. Beauty can conveniently be found everywhere, from the assortment of trees in a backyard to the face of a smiling baby to the amalgamation of clouds. At a primitive level—everyone cares about beauty. While beauty is universally appreciated, femininity as a performance takes this further by becoming a strategic tool for navigating social dynamics. Some studies show that even babies desire to be around more attractive people.
When we learn to harness both beauty and femininity with intention, we gain the power to shape how others perceive and value us—even if this value is superficial.
It pains me to see people with their croc leather mini Kelly’s butcher the outfit with a poorly fitting dress that looks like it was slipped off of a corpse. If someone were to pair that mini Kelly with a form-fitting knitwear dress while also knowing how to curate their hair and pair a perfume that complimented their natural body odor, my attention would be caught.
The way you present yourself to the world tells people in an instant how much they should value you and what you can do for them. Fashion brands use femininity and race as tools for power, positioning beauty both as a way to gain social upward mobility and as an exclusionary tool for others. From the perspective of a socialite—they might be eating (doing well)—the fact that said person could access an animal leather Hermes bag says that they’re well connected, wealthy, and know how to position themselves. These qualities are impressive for apparent reasons, and anyone with sense would want to be around someone with this persona.
Mass media suggests that fashion is for everyone, but it still upholds exclusivity through beauty standards, social class, and race. The exclusivity of fashion perpetuates inequality because you were never supposed to fit in. Part of the appeal of this exclusivity is that the poor can’t access it. The people who are able to establish whether something is or isn’t luxury have already moved on from a fashion item or brand once everyone can access it. The Halo Effect wasn’t only reserved for pretty people—it also greatly facilitates the lives of the wealthy.
Someone’s beauty, the human preference, can be their downfall if it is not curated to show that they understand the social dynamics of the wealthy and influential. Understanding what works for one’s body is inherently the dilemma many people face regarding fashion—on top of how that might please or displease those in positions of power. This reveals the tension between fashion’s promise of success and its ongoing favor of certain groups.
People tend to buy for two reasons: because they want more of a feeling or they want less of a feeling. The wealthy-socialite type wants more of the feeling of I-am-apart-of-your-class-ism, even if they’d never say that part out loud. Emotional branding establishes itself as a critical factor in developing brand loyalty… Increased loyalty driven by emotional branding, in turn, leads to higher sales.
The minimalist trend feels like it explicitly goes against how I was brought up in my home, full of vibrant colors and loud laughs. Fashion was never designed to make you happy or give you a true sense of belonging. The whole point is exclusion. In a capitalist society, the poor are never centered—just like in a patriarchal society, women are never centered. And in a white supremacist country, people of color are never centered either. This is by design.
Humans are extremely judgmental, especially when they perceive that someone is challenging their understanding of how the world should work. Someone’s mannerisms, the things they’re barely conscious of, will give them away. A wealthy person can spot the difference in an instant—they’ll see that little piece of fabric sticking out of your Shein sweater and know it’s low quality. They’ll clock that the fabric you’re wearing is made of 50% plastic without missing a beat.
The exclusivity of fashion feeds off of our desire to fit in, to be seen, and to feel valuable—but the truth is, real belonging can’t be bought. You can’t buy aligned values. You can’t buy emotional regulation. Sure, you can buy access to a community that might teach you how to self-regulate. You can buy tickets to a networking event. You can “buy” a place to stay, which might allow you to build a grounded, relaxed personhood. But you cannot buy belonging.
P.S. If you’re tired of performing and ready to embrace the power of your authentic self, my feminine communication and group somatic coaching is designed to help you navigate societal pressures, build emotional resilience, and align with the version of you that feels truly grounded and powerful. It’s okay to change the things you don’t mind changing to move through the world with more ease, but it’s just as important to hold on to what truly matters to you. You don’t need to buy into someone else’s idea of value—learn how to embody your own.
Click here to join me, and let’s reclaim your feminine communication and essence together.